


JADE: MAKE THREESOME HAPPEN

by KaiserKris



Series: Homestuck Sexy One-Shots, Vol. I [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, Human/Troll Relationship, Moirails With Pails, Threesome - F/F/M, Time Doubles, Troll Anatomy, first time threesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-05-27 05:14:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15017405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaiserKris/pseuds/KaiserKris
Summary: Your name is JADE HARLEY and you have the coolest boyfriend ever DAVE STRIDER and he has the coolest moirail ever, ARADIA MEGIDO. You've noticed, thought, that Aradia seems really curious about HUMAN SEX. Next thing you know you are watching PORNOGRAPHY and one thing leads to another ...((Consider this semi-congruent with my current fanfic series Welcome to the Rest of Your Life. Aradia keeps surprising me.))





	JADE: MAKE THREESOME HAPPEN

It started innocently enough.

 

You were watching a movie on the couch with Dave and Aradia. There was a love scene in the movie, the pretty usual type where they worked really hard to convince you they were having sex without actually showing any explicit nudity. The usual sort of hard PG-13 sex scene, the sort that might’ve embarrassed you quite a lot when you were younger. But these days, it’s actually kind of funny to mentally deconstruct what they’re doing. Their bodies aren’t lined up right. Everything’s just a little too neat.

 

Dave kinda glances over at you and you look back over at him, expecting to get a snarky comment about how stupid the scene was. But instead, he nudges your attention to Aradia on the other side, who is watching the scene absolutely rapt. You watch her for a moment, see her eyes follow every bit of the action, clearly intent on figuring out how it works. She actually looks a little frustrated, because they’re obviously not showing a lot.

 

“A-Meg, if you wanted to see how humans do it, we could’ve just put in a porn or something.” Dave finally speaks dryly, but it’s affectionate. He reaches over to nudge her gently. Once upon a time, you would’ve been fairly jealous of how intimate their relationship really is, but you’ve long ago came to accept it. They’re moirails and it really is a romance of a sort, but not one that threatens your relationship with Dave in any meaningful way.

 

Aradia blushes an adorable reddish shade. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to uh, do that! I mean, haha, it’s just a scene in a movie, haha!” She laughs, but a little nervously, before looking at the both of you. “I mean, um, it’s probably not very realistic, huh?” She’s trying really hard to constrain her immense curiosity and failing just about equally hard. “I mean, I saw a book on anatomy once and human genitals aren’t, uh … about there.” She indicates vaguely at her stomach, just below where the navel would be on a human.

 

“Haha, no, it’s not very realistic. These movies usually get made so they don’t really show anything. That way they can play in any theatre. Movies with like, real sex, don’t really get to theatres. You just watch them on the Internet, mostly.” You explain. You pause for a moment. “... Aradia?”

 

“... yes?” She’s a little sheepish, a little embarrassed.

 

“Would you like to watch porn with us?” You offer with what you hope is your most disarming smile.

 

“Wait, what?” Dave’s eyebrow shoots sky-high. “Uh, is that, I mean … you sure about that, Jade?”

 

“I don’t want to do anything that makes Dave uncomfortable!” Aradia insists and you know she means it, because of course she does. She loves Dave just about as much as you do, just in a slightly different way. But you’re pretty sure that Dave’s more worried about you here and that’s silly because you’re suggesting it. Aradia’s clearly super curious about how humans have sex and it seems like a better alternative to actually doing it in front of her.

 

Holy shit, where did that thought even come from? Like you’d actually have sex with your boyfriend in front of his moirail! That seems like eight million kinds of taboo. And yet? Kind of hot, if you’re being totally honest with yourself. But you’re going to shelve that for now because that might be a bridge too far. But what’s wrong with a little porn? Especially the nicer stuff where the couples are really into it and the women are really getting off?

 

Nothing, you say! You’re a goddess and you can do whatever the fuck you want.

“Hey. I’m cool, if you two are.” Dave punctuates the point by kissing Aradia on the cheek and then turning to kiss you too, a little more lingeringly, quite a bit more deeply. You get the general idea that he’s getting off on the idea a bit and just really, really wants to make sure that you’re cool with it before going on with it. You also realize that Aradia’s totally watching you kiss and that you really don’t mind that at all.

 

“I love you guys. You’re so amazing together.” Aradia finally says as you part a little breathlessly. She gives Dave a big hug and then leans over Dave to do the same to you. You hug her back happily. She smells faintly of apples and cinnamon, like an all-American bakery. You used to think Terezi was crazy about how people and trolls were so distinctly scented, but you’ve got just enough dog in you to appreciate it these days.

 

Dave looks contemplative for a moment. “You wanna find the video, Jade? I might go and get us something fun to go with.” You’re pretty sure that means weed, which you’ve actually got a bit of a taste for, though you don’t do it much. You’re not much for smoking with your sensitive doggie nose, but Dave’s also got a nice selection of edibles that are much more to your taste. Your favorite ones are those blondies. They’re legitimately really delicious and also pretty potent.

 

When Dave shuffles off to go find his stash, Aradia shuffles over to you as you summon up your laptop from your sylladex. As you crack it open and start looking up relevant websites, she peers over your shoulder curiously.

 

“Are all human males that big?” Aradia asks as the screen flits briefly over the ‘Big Cock’ section.

 

“Ha! No. And thank goodness for that!” You’re pretty sure that a lot of those dicks are photoshopped or otherwise digitally altered and even the real ones don’t look appealing at all but just, really comical. “But yeah, we’re not going to be watching those movies. Or THOSE ones.” You give a side-eye at the ‘Teen 18+’ section. Some _real_ side-eye. “Oh! There’s something a little more promising.”

 

“Ooh, the girl in that video is really pretty. She has hair like yours!” Aradia grins and looks at you. “And …” She looks briefly at your chest and then towards the still of the video in question, and then towards her own. Her eyes widen slightly at another still, showing the man in question. Then again, so do yours.

 

Because that guy legit looks kind of like Dave. It’s clearly _not actually_ Dave, but you’re getting the vague idea that a lot of Aradia’s interest in this particular one is the fact that the male and female actors involved look a lot like you and Dave. Which makes you wonder how deep this interest in you and Dave goes. You also wonder what it says about yourself that you kinda hope it runs deep. You really wonder what it says about you that you kinda hope it runs all the way down to the fucking core.

 

But you kinda tamp that thought down for now. Because you’re pretty sure the first rule of Moirail Club is that you don’t fuck your moirail, which would probably put a bit of a damper on a potential threesome. Because, yes, that’s what you were thinking. That’s when you realize that there’s a third person in the video. Another woman. With really long beautiful dark hair and with really nice curves in all the right places and a bright guileless smile.

 

“Oh wow. She looks like human me.” Aradia whispers next to you, because of course she would.

 

“Hm … maybe we should find a different one?” You query, wondering if that might make Aradia a little uncomfortable.

 

“I’d like to watch this one. I mean, if you’re okay with that.” Aradia replies quietly. “I mean, if we’re cool with it. Dave too.”

 

You’re pretty sure you’re blushing right now and you know your ears are twitching just a little. Silly dog ears. “It …” _Eh, fuck it._ “Yeah! This one!” You look up as Dave pads into the room, bearing a bong, a baggie of weed and another baggie with some of your blondies. You suddenly become aware of a bit of an increase in temperature in the room, but you’re pretty sure that’s a subjective feeling.

 

“Here comes the D-man, with smokable and edible gifts aplenty.” Dave monotones before settling onto your other side, glancing at the video on offer. “Looks kinda hot.” Dave opines simply. “Lemme get us started and then, let’s get this fuckshow on the road.” It doesn’t take Dave long to get things going. You happily reach over and eat one of the brownies. You’ll save the second one in case you need it.

 

You’re not much of a smoker personally but it’s kind of fun to watch Dave take a hit off the bong and then pass it over to Aradia. They’re both fairly experienced and take it like champs. Aradia in particular makes it look kind of sexy. Your toes squirm slightly and you try to fight off the feeling that you’re getting kind of _moist_ and nothing’s even happened. On the screen.

 

The tension alone is enough to do it. You kinda give a little side-eye at Dave’s crotch. Little Strider (who isn’t that little, really a case of just right) hasn’t awoken yet as far as you can see. You’re not quite sure how things play out with trolls. You’re aware that there’s a bulge and a nook somewhere in there, but how exactly that plays out in real life, you’re not sure. You suppose you might not find out tonight, but part of you is definitely hoping that you do.

 

Finally all three of you snuggle in together to watch the movie, Dave on one side of you and Aradia on the other. It starts off with the two girls kissing and caressing each other while the man watches. There’s basically no sound in the entire apartment except for the audio of the video. The curvier of the two girls, basically, the not-Aradia, was now peeling off the panties of the not-Jade, playfully tossing them in the direction of the not-Dave. Not-Dave picked them up and gave them a bit of a sniff before tossing them aside.

 

You’re fairly sure that you would’ve found that super gross at one time, but Dave’s been down on you way too many times for you to be turned-off by that. And the truth is that you rather enjoy the scents of sex, and can do so on a level that Dave or, presumably, Aradia, couldn’t. You feel an arm slide around your middle and turn over to see Dave, watching the movie. But idly caressing your stomach and sides at the same time.

 

Not-Aradia is pressing two fingers slowly into Not-Jade, looking up at her eyes the whole time, while Not-Dave watches and slowly, slowly takes his cock out and begins to stroke it. Not-Jade moans softly and spreads her legs wider for Not-Aradia who’s planting teasing little kisses all around her mound. You squirm slightly at the thought of that happening to you and heat coiling down low. You glance over briefly at Dave, who is watching the video intently. But you also feel his hand sliding just a little further down.

 

“Oh.” Actual Aradia says softly as Not-Aradia flicks her tongue against Not-Jade’s clit. She’s blushing openly and there’s that smell of apples and cinnamon just a little more strongly now. Dave’s hand is hovering right around your waistline and with the short skirt you’re wearing right now, it wouldn’t be hard for him to go for it. You really would like him to touch you right now. But how do you communicate that? With his moirail _right there._

 

“Daave.” You whine softly. It’s probably better if he doesn’t touch you at all if he isn’t going to actually _do it._

 

“A-Meg?” Dave asks softly, really, really softly.

 

“Yeahs?” Aradia replies and then glances over to where Dave’s hand is. “... yes?”

 

“You cool, Aradia?” Dave asks again, clearly actually saying “hey a-meg is it okay if i finger my girlfriend in front of you” You can picture it perfectly in his silly typing quirk. You also can’t believe that this is a real thing that’s happening, but you’re feeling a bit more relaxed about it as the brownie you ate is starting to take effect.

 

“... I’m good.” Aradia replies softly.

 

Not-Dave has clearly had enough of watching the girls go at it and is joining the girls now, all three of them kissing and caressing each other, not-Jade’s hands reaching towards his cock. While that is happening on screen, Dave’s hand dips lower, under the waistband of your panties. It’s a little limited, what he can do when you’re still clothed, but he knows exactly where to touch you and _how,_ and it feels so good. You make a muffled little moan as he works his magic on you.

 

“Jesus fuck, Harley.” Dave says softly as he strums a finger over your clit just right.

 

You realize that Aradia’s not really watching the movie anymore, but Dave touching you. She’s not even pretending to have her eyes on the screen now. They’re squarely on Dave’s hands up your skirt and your reactions to his touch. You impulsively decide to kiss her, which is maybe a really dumb idea. But then she kisses you back and your tongues brush up against each other and Dave decides to just take the damn skirt down and it feels natural after all.

 

When that kiss finally breaks you’re almost instantly being kissed by Dave again, just as deeply but a bit harder and by the time you’re done, you’re a bit breathless, just as things are getting really, really good down there. But then Dave stops for a moment. You moan slightly, wanting him to put his hands back. But maybe it’s for the best. Maybe you’re crossing a line that can’t ever be uncrossed and he’s a little nervous about making the plunge.

 

“We gonna do this?” Dave asks and you know that he means _everything._ Things are going to change for sure if you do this. Can Aradia really be a moirail with Dave if they have sex? Do you become a _menage a trois_? What happens afterwards? It’s a pretty intense thought and you try to pull yourself out of your pleasure-induced fog to actually consider it for a moment.

 

“Can we?” Aradia answers eagerly with that huge smile of hers. You remember hearing from Terezi and Karkat about what she was like when she was dead. You honestly can’t imagine it. You’ve always considered yourself a pretty joyous person and you’ve got nothing on Aradia. “I …” She blushes even a little more for a moment. “I’ve kind of had … thoughts about you two for awhile.”

 

“Yeah?” You reply with a little smile. “What kind of thoughts?” Yep, you’re going to cast those doubts aside! She’s clearly super into it, and you know that Dave is too.

 

“Gonna ask again.” Dave’s got a tiny smirk as he shrugs off his shirt and tosses it aside, showing off a beautifully sculpted, lean and wiry body criss-crossed with several thin pink ribbons. You know that he used to be super self-conscious about his scars but you think that you’ve sufficiently convinced him of their sexiness. You especially love licking them. “We gonna do this girls?”

 

“We’re gonna make this happen.” You reply and lick your lips before kissing him again, hard. Your lips slowly descend down his throat and his chest, pausing to lick a bead of sweat off of one of his abs before continuing to kiss downwards. Dave tenses up just a little in anticipation of what you’re going to do. Just as you’re undoing his belt, though, you turn towards Aradia. “You’re invited too, you know.”

 

Aradia shrugs off her godtier pyjamas and gets behind you. “I want to see you too.” She pouts into your ear. “We’re getting naked, so should youu.” Her hands slide to the waist of your skirt and she starts to peel them down as you quickly take off your shirt and toss it aside. You don’t even need to worry about your bra because Aradia’s really good with her telekinesis and it just unclasps itself and floats over on Dave’s head because honestly, its pretty funny. You laugh as Dave peels the lacy garment off his head.

 

“Time to embarrass the old Strider, huh?” But that doesn’t last long because you’re back at work, sliding his belt off and reaching up to pull his pants and his underwear down at the same time. You grasp his cock as it sticks out, revelling in the familiar, but wonderful feeling of it in your hand. It’s hot and hard and already copiously leaking precum. You glance slightly behind you at Aradia, who is watching eagerly, halfway through the act of peeling off your own panties.

 

“Ooh, human bulges are neat.” Aradia grins as she finally accomplishes her part of the bargain and you lift up your leg a little to facilitate getting rid of them. Her fingers are against you then and while her touch is a little tentative and inexpert, it’s hard not to get off on her obvious curiosity and enthusiasm alone. “Oh Jade …” Aradia continues to explore you softly with her fingers before pressing one into you slowly. “It’s so warm.” She bends down further and just like not-Aradia had done earlier, slowly starts licking you as her finger moves inside you. You push back against her a little, eager for more of her touch.

 

But you’ve got something else in your hand right now, a lovely, beautiful, perfect cock which belongs to a man that you love very much. And who you’d really like to show that affection for right now. You plant little ghostly kisses down the shaft first, stroking the base of it softly, before kissing back up the underside. Dave groans slightly, shifting a little to make himself more comfortable and because of the sensation of it. And then he fucking gasps as you take him in your mouth and suck him eagerly, just as Aradia seems to have hit upon your clit, lapping eagerly against it as a second finger presses slowly up inside you.

 

The three of you continue like that for some time, you eagerly sucking Dave’s cock and Aradia just as avidly eating you out. Awesomely, absurdly, the normal scents of sex are increasingly mingled and then overtaken by the smell of apples and cinnamon, like you were baking pies together instead of spiritedly licking and sucking each other. Aradia gasps against you and you feel her body shuddering a little as if through some sort of impact.

 

You can’t see it, but you know Dave’s summoned up a time duplicate. She pulls your mouth off of you for a second to let out a long moan before messily and eagerly returning to you, lapping up every drop, her body pushing against you with the unseen impact of the time duplicate that was fucking her. You gasp yourself, briefly taking your mouth off of Dave’s cock but then returning to it, taking him in deeper. All three of you (four if you include the time dupe as another person, which you suppose you should) are really cooking right now.

 

And then Aradia’s mouth goes off of you and you moan in protest but then, something _very different_ is up inside you, hot and stiff but flexible and prehensile, licking your insides like a tongue, but hard just like a human cock. You gasp and push back eagerly against it as you do your best to properly suck Dave’s cock. The alternate Dave is clearly doing his thing as well- you can feel the impact from him fucking Aradia even as she thrusts up inside you.

 

Everything reaches a fevered crescendo as Dave groans and comes, and just as you’re eagerly swallowing him, Aradia hits somewhere _just right_ and the world shatters and you have your own orgasm, shuddering and clenching tightly around Aradia. The alternate Dave behind you groans at the end of the chain, pressing hard into Aradia as he does so.

 

You feel Aradia about ready to pull out of you. You know she hasn’t come yet.

 

“Aradia-”

 

“Um, you might not … um, it’s a _lot. A lot.”_

 

“I want it.” You reply firmly, because, actually, you do. “And you need to get off.” You do pull back though and turn around to face her. You don’t hesitate to kiss her, even though you absolutely taste of Dave. She accepts the kiss eagerly. And then you take her bulge in your hand. It’s a bit different than a cock, considerably more flexible, even though it’s pretty hard.

 

But you’re pretty sure it feels good to be sucked. And Aradia doesn’t stop you as you take her bulge into your mouth. The Daves, both spent for the moment, just watch, their eyes inscrutable underneath the shades that they are somehow still wearing despite literally having sex.

 

Even now, Aradia is leaking copiously into your mouth and you’re almost embarrassed by how much you like the taste. It literally tastes like apple pie filling, like you’re sucking off some sort of pie fairy. Aradia makes a slightly alien clicking noise deep in her throat as you take her bulge deeper down yours, the clicking fading into a far more human-sounding moan.

 

“Jade …” She manages to say, insistently.

 

“Mmmmf.” You’re good, you want to say, you want to take it all. Every apple pie-flavoured drop.

 

 _“Jade”_ Aradia gasps his time. “You can’t-”

 

You get the hint this time and back off and even though Aradia tastes really good and you consider yourself a bit of a champion fellatrix, you’re kind of glad you do because the volume of cum is ridiculous as is the force of its eruption. You’re _totally covered_ in it and the couch in front of you and Dave are also liberally splattered with candy red goo that smells like pie.

“Whelp. I guess … I guess that’s why trolls need pails.” Dave finally breaks the awkward silence.

 

“Sorry!” Aradia squeaks, but it’s not long before all of you are laughing, because you look hilarious. Dave’s time duplicate disappears with a final thumbs up and the three of you are left there, in the living room, with the porn movie still playing and the bong and one of your brownies still there.

 

“... shower?” You suggest with a grin. Thankfully yours is pretty big. It can totally fit a third person.

 


End file.
